


When the Pain Comes

by WithDropsofJupiterInHerHair



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, WIP, but you should totally read it, shamelessly based on she talks to angels, sorry that I'm really big on writing interior monologue with zero action, there will be action promise, why are there so many fucking tags for this damn ship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:38:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5814478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithDropsofJupiterInHerHair/pseuds/WithDropsofJupiterInHerHair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the beginning of his training, Kylo Ren knew that pain was the source of all power.  Stoke had always told him, the reason he sought Ren out was the potential he saw in his pain.</p><p>Along the way, however, he has grown weaker—his treacherous wounds have allowed time to heal his once-throbbing scars.  Even with his complete disregard for the concepts of coolness and composure, he has found the tides of his emotions growing more still with age.  The downside of this great climb is that, at times, life is no longer enough of a battle to stir such passion as he once held.</p><p>That is precisely why she makes things different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the Pain Comes

**Author's Note:**

> Shamelessly inspired by "She Talks to Angels" by the Black Crowes because of it's obviously about poor little Ben who lost his way. Especially: "(He'll) tell you he's an orphan, after you meet (his) family"
> 
> Sorry, I tend to get really introspective with my writing, especially when I'm exploring a character for the first time. So basically this first chapter is a really long snapshot into the mind of Kylo Ren. I have my own ways of making plot happen, even with my strange, "romanticized" writing style--action will come later, promise.
> 
> Love me, love this. Please.

* * *

 

**_"Yeah, he gives a smile when the pain comes;_ **

**_the pain's the only thing to make it alright."_ **

 

* * *

 

 

From the beginning of his training, Kylo Ren knew that pain was the source of all power.  Stoke had always told him, the reason he sought Ren out was the potential he saw in his pain.  For once, he didn’t have to hide the parts of him that he was never allowed to show—he didn’t have to be “good” for the sake of those around him.  Since then, he has embraced himself—the power in the pain and those not-good parts—and has found unparalleled success.

He spent years making a name of his own, battling destiny and bloodlines to create his own legacy.  He worked tirelessly in a climb to the top, so high up that he could never again be forced to live in the shadows of those around him.  His story is that of the blood, sweat, and tears of those who threatened his path, as he ruthlessly rose to power, to lead the galaxy to greatness.

Along the way, however, he has grown weaker—his treacherous wounds have allowed time to heal his once-throbbing scars.  Even with his complete disregard for the concepts of coolness and composure, he has found the tides of his emotions growing more still with age.  The downside of this great climb is that, at times, life is no longer enough of a battle to stir such passion as he once held.

That is precisely why she makes things different.

Once, she was merely a precautionary measure—an unexpected detour en route toward fulfilling his destiny.  Now, she seems to be the highway.

To hear the ways she dared to speak to him—the complete lack of regard for the empire had defied odds to create—was truly humiliating.  In the heart of the base, with her entire life dangling from his hands, this street rat sincerely pitied him. 

Somehow, this lonely scavenger could not appreciate the greatness of the man who rose from nothing.  Despite her situation, her guaranteed longing for the same principles of purpose and belonging, autonomy and influence, she could see past the textiles and title.  In the midst of himself and an entire military ready to kill on his command, she dared to speak down to him.

For the first time, a voice was brought to his greatest fears.  A voice so weak but so potent, he felt the walls around him might crumble on their impact, allowing them to reach the ears of those who would never have dared to think them on their own.  One sentence from the mouth of a peasant threatened a lifetime’s achievement.

So he ran.

Vulnerable for the first time in the life of Kylo Ren, he is reduced to the parts of himself that he swore he smothered along the way.  The boy inside of him lives again.  The fire beneath his scars rekindles, the cruel lick of flames burning him slowly from the inside out.  The anger, the longing, the feelings of inadequacy—they all come rushing back.

The carefully constructed floodgates in his mind are collapsed.  His lifeless veins pulse with the tide of a racing heart.  The pull of his emotions is no longer still, but storming.  He is drowning, gasping for air, feet desperate for purchase—just enough stability to regain leverage, the illusion of unwavering authority.  He falls short every time.  

He is fading—floating.

He feels pain.

He feels power.

 


End file.
